A tasty compilation of the best food and restaurant tweets of the week.

Twitter tends to be saturated with asinine trending topics, excessive self-promotion and tweetspeak that those over the age of 22 may have trouble deciphering. But, it's also proved to be a valuable social media platform for restaurants, celebrity chefs and those who incessantly photograph their food. Here are a handful of excellent food-related tweets from the past week. As always, you can find us on Twitter @LocalEaters.

Ruth Bourdain (@RuthBourdain):"I really hope the baconpocalypse doesn't affect other cured meats. I just don't think I could survive a Prosciutto di Parmageddon."

A chilling vision of the impending aporkalypse.

Jed (@jedfudally): "I would eat at a restaurant that calls itself 'shrimply the best' "

Shrimpin' ain't easy. 

Moiste Porque (@MoistPork): "Someday when I'm arrested, I'll be hunched over a restaurant chef, whom I've strangled with his own sandwich, screaming, 'I said NO MAYO!'"

Not sure how the physics of strangling with a sandwich would work, but can certainly understand frustration with general disregard of "no mayo" requests.  

Kat Kinsman (@kittenwithawhip): "My greatest contribution to society today has been a headline involving 'tainted nut butter.' May I have a nap now, please?"

Nap well earned. Continuing with the nap theme ...

Scotty (@marylandmudflap): "I'm a lot like Dexter only instead of killing murderers I just killed a burrito and took a 43 minute nap in my shower."

FactHive (@FactHive) There are more French restaurants in New York City than in Paris.

But how many New York-style hot dog stands line the Champs-Élysées? 

Mark Ganek (@MarkGanek): "Ordered an In-N-Out burger 'gangnam style,' so they shoved it down my throat repeatedly."

I see what you did there. 

Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit): "There's a special section of hell for people who bring their kids to restaurants. It's a restaurant with their kids in it."

Fair enough, but what horrible things did the poor servers do to deserve their fate of cleaning the crushed Cherios on the floor? 

Comedy Tweets: (@IQuoteComedy): "When I'm at a restaurant I like to ask the waiter, 'What's your most frequently photographed entree?' "

Restaurant menus should really come with suggested Instagram filter pairings. 

Sandra Boynton (@SandyBoynton): "At lunch, the restaurant menu listed 'artisanal lettuce.' I'm so happy! I thought all the lettucewrights had retired."

That's all, folks! 

The Twitter bird only eats artisanal birdseed and locally sourced worms. 

A tasty collection of the best food and restaurant tweets of the last two weeks.

Twitter tends to be cluttered with asinine trending topics, endless self-promotion and unintelligible tweetspeak that those over the age of 22 may have trouble deciphering. But, it's also proved to be a valuable social media platform for restaurants, food photographers and celebrity chefs. Here are a handful of excellent food-related tweets from the past couple of weeks. As always, you can find us on Twitter @LocalEaters.

Andrew Knowlton ( @AndrewKnowlton): "Something about multi-colored tortilla chips that makes me think less of Mexican joint serving them. Justified?"

Completely. Goes doubly for places that serve radioacative neon green margaritas.

Alton Brown (@AltonBrown): "I am turning away from my media career to focus exclusively on producing artisanal bacon-bit peanut butter."

Though we've gone too far with bacon-infused everything, I'd get behind this.

Matt Yglesias ( @Mattyglesias): "Has anyone in human history ever gone to a restaurant website and been disappointed by the absence of music?"

Nope. I also doubt anyone's ever bemoaned the lack of Flash Animation on a restaurant website. 

John ( @sarcasticapple):"Restaurant bills sometimes come with complimentary mints, it would be nice if electricity bills came with a little bowl of AA batteries." 

Conan O'Brien  ( @ConanObrien): "Anyone else worried that we're in the midst of a cupcake store bubble?"

Less worried and more ready for it burst. 

Tumblr Funniest Post ( @tumblrfunniest): "My friend said 'Onions are the only food that can make you cry.' That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon. #tumblrfunniest"

I guess someone had to pick up the slack following Gallagher's retirement. 

Ray Isle ‏ (@islewine): Ad on the subway for soup w 'artificial goat flavor.' Why do I find that so much more disturbing than artificial beef flavor?" 

Neil deGrasse Tyson ‏ (@neiltyson) "Yup. If pasta & antipasta ever touch, they annihilate. For your safety, that's why restaurants never serve them together."

World's funniest astrophysicist. How can you not love this guy? 

Kat Kinsman ( @kittenwithawhip): "Just read the phrase 'penetrates deeply into the ham' in a press release & may need a moment to heal." 

Not sure how that got by their copy editors.

Don't call me Tweety. 

Love it or hate it, Twitter has become a valuable platform for the restaurant and food world. In 142 characters or less, restaurants post specials; food bloggers share recipes and photos; food trucks post their whereabouts; and celebrity chefs communicate with their fans, push their latest projects, and procure even more precious attention (Ooh! A service that puts a number on my popularity!). In short, those afflicted with a food infatuation love them some Twitter. In a new feature for the blog, I'll compile the most interesting tweets of the week from chefs, restaurants, food bloggers, the food entertainment industry and anyone else who tweets about food and restaurants. Oh, and lest I forget the shameless self-promotion (which comprises 95% of Twitter), you can follow LocalEats on Twitter @LocalEaters. Without further adieu, here is the inaugural Local Tweats roundup. 

Andrew Zimmern (@AndrewZimmern): A chronic tweeter, The host of Bizarre Foods does indeed post pictures of various adventurous (un)edibles ( crispy calves brains sandwiches). But he also hosts live tweetups with his fans and isn't afraid to weigh in on NFL football strategy: "Pooch? Fake? Bueller?"

Kat Kinsman (@KittenWithaWhip): The managing editor of CNN's Eatocracy, Kinsman's Tweets are invariably witty and often hunger inducing. One of the week's best: "How you know you just left a good party: unzip your purse & wonder, 'What smells like it's on fire?' (Answer, pig fat caramels.)"

Jack Highburger (@Jack_Around) scored major points with this hilarious Paula Deen related "diabeetus" pic. 

Scottie L (@MarylandMudFlap):" I've never eaten sushi off a naked woman but I have been asked to put my shirt back on at a Shoney's." 'nuff said. 

Angry Bobby Flay (@AngryBobbyFlay) is a parody Twitter account (not, in fact Bobby Flay) that is exactly what it sounds like: small angry outbursts in the voice of a fictitious, enraged Bobby Flay. "I hope everyone saved room for dessert! If not, I'm gonna serve it anyway and you better pray you find a way to choke it down."

Shelby Fero (@ShelbyFero): College student/budding comedian Shelby Fero has made pithy, semi-depressing Tweets into an art form. Bonus points for her love of cheese and bad puns. Highlights this week include "Weird. This check at IHOP just says 'your dignity.'" and "Putting butter on my table is a contract, restaurants. A bread contract."

Foodiggity (@foodiggity) hit on one of Sunday's bigger trending topics with "Steven Tyler should be put on the No Fly List for that anthem.#NFLSunday".

Ruth Reichl's (@RuthReichl) tweets generally make one's mouth water. All the wonderful things she's devouring and describing could seem braggy and potentially induce jealousy, but her poetic language and soothing aesthetic have the opposite effect. Guess there's a good reason she's paid to write. "LA morning. Making coffee. Squeezing oranges. Toasting bread. A parrot just went flying through the yard, squawking loudly. Can that be?" 

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